Married at First Sight season two has concluded, but the drama seems as though it will go on forever. The premise of the show has always been controversial: three couples matched by “experts” agree to get married seconds after meeting. While the first season resulted in two lasting unions out of three, the second round was a complete failure. Three out of three couples have split amidst accusations of spousal abandonment, secret criminal backgrounds, improper initial motives, animal abuse, and even death threats caught on a hot microphone.
Within the upheaval, a pattern has begun to emerge: the MAFS franchise is shaping up as a disturbingly sexist institution. It did not seem that way, particularly, in season one. The men who were selected turned out to be rather normal. All three acted as though they entered the experiment for the purpose of getting and staying married. Season two, however, was a different story entirely.
During the first few episodes of MAFS season two, the three men appeared, by all accounts, to be sincere, good-natured, and upstanding. Ryan De Nino had an illuminating smile when he first saw his beautiful, radiant bride Jessica Castro; Sean Varricchio immediately began ramming his tongue down Davina Kullar’s throat in an overly-enthusiastic display of affection for his glamorously gorgeous wife; and Ryan Ranellone looked thrilled beyond belief to see the vibrant and stunning Jaclyn Metheun walk down the aisle.
Fans had high hopes for the couples. The participants possessed a charisma that leapt off the screen and charmed the audience. Then, the suspicious behavior began. First, Sean refused to stay in the apartment with Davina and showed tremendous resistance to moving to Manhattan where Davina lives and works. He had previously assured producers that he was, indeed, willing to relocate. He abandoned her, forcing her to spend the first night in their apartment all alone.
Some fans grew wary of Sean’s motives for appearing on the show when he displayed an over-the-top interest in sex with Davina and then quickly cooled off to the point where he refused to touch her. The initial attraction began to feel disingenuous, and his intense anxiety over staying in the NY apartment was perplexing.
Moving along to Ryan D. and Jessica, viewers were shocked and dismayed when they witnessed this couple having horrible fights. Ryan D.’s verbal abuse toward his wife and his constant praising of his grandparents’ tumultuous marriage set off major red flags. Soon it was uncovered that the experts were well aware that Ryan had a problem “expressing anger appropriately,” yet chose to cast him anyway.
Jaclyn and Ryan R. were not initially intimate, but then consummated their marriage after moving into their new apartment together. Almost immediately following, Ryan R. emotionally ditched Jaclyn, telling friends that her big, vibrant personality was “too much” for him to take. He complained constantly and inappropriately of “longing for his family” who live a mere hour away from the apartment he and Jaclyn shared.
It was clear the men were pulling away-big time, and treating the women terribly. Fans wondered whether any of them ever intended on staying married in the first place. Viewers soon found out that Ryan D. had done modeling and acting in the past, and had been on another reality show. Meanwhile, Sean’s co-workers were all over the fan forums accusing him of being a “pathological liar” whose main objective was to be a tv star. Later, Sean’s direct connection to a season one MAFS cast member-Doug Hehner, was uncovered as Sean admitted that it was Doug who introduced him to the show. And despite the experts insisting they did “thorough” background and psychological tests on the participants, they missed Sean’s DUI arrest and probation violation, his anxiety disorder and his alleged fibbing habit.
A person calling himself NYC Lax went on a fan forum and wrote that the MAFS men had only self-serving motives, that they were not properly vetted, that there was no real “scientific” selection process, and that the participants were chosen in a matter of weeks. As the circumstances under which the men got involved in MAFS season two began to be made known, viewers contacted the four experts via social media to clarify exactly how MAFS was cast. The experts responded first by stonewalling, then by blaming the fans themselves for being “cruel.” One expert, Dr. Logan Levkoff, chose to handle the questions by simply blocking anyone who asked them.
At the recent six month reunion show, the audience learned all three couples had split up. The most shocking news, though, was not this immense failure on the part of the experts, but the allegation that Ryan D. made numerous death threats toward Jessica, telling her he would kill her and her entire family. Jessica also stated that she found a Valentine’s Day card from another woman in his apartment. Jessica ended up taking out a restraining order on her husband to protect herself.
The three women on the show have suffered emotional and physical abandonment, tremendous abuse from fans, and now, one has even had to endure death threats. The executives involved have created a sexist environment with the franchise. They knowingly paired three beautiful and stable women with polar-opposite, deeply flawed men for the purpose of raking in huge profits.
It is not just the exploitation of Davina, Jaclyn, and Jessica during the taping of the show that has created these conditions, but also the refusal of the experts or producers to apologize for what they have done. Further, and perhaps most significantly, they have not stepped in and tried to curtail the bashing that has been so prevalent this season on social media. In fact, the experts were quick to interact on fan forums and participate in the criticism of Davina, especially. This later translated into Dr. Levkoff snapping at Davina during the reunion show; stating “I’m angry” and harshly asking her “what do you take responsibility for?”
Placing the onus onto these women for the MAFS season two disaster when the casting process is clearly to blame for the most serious problems is part of the chauvinistic atmosphere of the show. In addition to pairing these fabulous women with men whose motives are highly suspect and who bring huge personality problems to the table, the experts have allowed the Twitterverse to grossly attack the three ladies without inserting themselves into the discussion to set a precedent of empathy and respect.
Looking at some tweets about Jessica as an example, the overall tone of the show is reflected. Some of the most egregious tweets have come from Ryan D.’s friends, one of whom appeared with him on his prior reality show, and another self-loathing female. Discussing Jessica, they write:
This outrageous slut-shaming of Jessica is a direct result of the exploitative and bigoted atmosphere caused by the experts’ disrespect of the female participants of MAFS season two. According to the website Finallyfeminism101:
slut-shaming happens when a person “publicly or privately [insults] a woman because she expressed her sexuality in a way that does not conform with patriarchal expectations for women” (Kat, Slut-Shaming vs. Rape Jokes). It is enabled by the idea that a woman who carries the stigma of being a slut — ie. an “out-of-control, trampy female” — is “not worth knowing or caring about” (Tanenbaum, p. 240).
The producers’ selection of men with so much dangerous baggage and their choice to turn the conversation to the intimate details of the women’s sex lives reinforced an atmosphere ripe for this type of societal judgement and condemnation. The systemic misogyny inherent in American culture gains traction when such private issues are discussed publicly, presumably at the insistence of the producers. Men do not regularly face this kind of judgement. (Note that any mention of Ryan’s participation in the marriage consummation is glaringly absent from the damning tweets sent out by his band of sycophants.)
Another tweet again refers to Jessica as a “hoe”, in an attempted denigration of her humanity:
These archetypal examples of women policing other women’s sexual habits illuminate what some sociologists call the “transitional double standard’-the same type of victimizing rarely occurs against men. Interestingly, Finallyfeminism101.com points out, the varying rules for men and women are also reflected in our very language itself:
These tweets about Jessica used for illustrative purposes represent a tiny fraction of the mud-slinging the MAFS ladies have had to endure. As the show employed a sociologist, a clinical psychologist and a sexologist, there should have been no problem creating a protective environment in which women would be held in high esteem. Instead, they built the entire season around the men treating the women in an abusive fashion. They also paved the way for social media minions to, in turn, disrespect these ladies as well.
The experts ought to have taken steps to shelter these women by selecting quality spouses for them. They also should have been careful about which sexual details to include in the show either by leaving the exact moment of marriage consummation a mystery or not bringing it up all. Fans would not have balked at a finale “big reveal,” answering whether the couples”did” or “did not” consummate. No one needs to know the specifics here.
Since the producers greatly encouraged intensive social media interaction they must have been aware of the high potential for attempted degradation of the female cast members by not only the husbands, but also by the public. As well, they have refused to step in and issue a denouncement of such speech or to offer any support to Davina, Jaclyn or Jessica.
It is not just the show execs who are guilty of reinforcing misogynistic conditions by pairing the women with men who had criminal records, anxiety/commitment issues and rage problems; and allowing social media participants to throw fuel on the fire of sexism. Season one’s Doug Hehner also chose to mock Jessica’s court battle over the death threats she received by posting a fake document to Twitter:
Many fans are enraged over what they assume was an attempt on Doug’s part to make fun of Jessica and the restraining order against Ryan D. Doug removed this post within minutes and issued an apology to the Twitter community, but not before receiving some scathing words from Jaclyn:
Here, Jaclyn is doing the work the experts should be doing. In fact, since MAFS season two has established such a women-denigrating agenda, the three ladies have had to band together to stick up for each other. It is plain to see that the show higher-ups will not be participating in this type of support.
Luckily, Jessica, Davina and Jaclyn can rely upon one another, and have formed an alliance that they view as a “silver lining” around their experience. Recently, a statement went out over Twitter from the three cast members saying they felt like it was them “against the world” and that they hoped the truth would soon be revealed. It is a wonderful thing to see their hashtag #womensupportingwomen in action, but it is a pity that the very people who matched them with these men are not joining in the sentiment.
Instead, Married at First Sight executives and experts prefer to maintain an atmosphere where women are exploited so the money can keep rolling in. Fortunately, as Jessica Castro so eloquently quoted, “There is no force more powerful than a woman determined to rise.”