Man Booted From Cafe for Reading Book in ‘Wrong’ Section

Humanity is doomed. The war being waged by Silicon Valley and the technology evangelists is being won…by Silicon Valley. Unfortunately, if this battle was Star Wars, Silicon Valley would be Darth Vader, and everything else that is bad in the world. The latest incarnation of dystopian hell comes from a seemingly unassuming place: a coffee shop in San Francisco. Comedian Joe Klocek says he was booted out of a small cafe because he was reading a book in the “wrong” section of the shop; a section reserved only for laptops.

This is a story about so much more than a singular incident in a coffee shop, though. This is a tale about something much more sinister, with deep, destructive implications for not only the future of books, but for the future of humanity itself.

But before we delve into why what happened to Klocek is so significant, it is important to recount the events that occurred recently in the heart of the cesspool of evil.

Klocek claims that while he was quietly reading his book, he was approached by a bearded barista who informed him that he was violating cafe policy. The section in which Klocek was sitting, said the waiter, (who had previously made Klocek’s coffee drink while texting on his gadget rather than interacting with Klocek,) was reserved for laptops, and books were not welcome there. Klocek objected and the situation escalated. Eventually, the bearded barista exclaimed “Look, I’m hung over and in no mood. I’m just going to call the police if you don’t leave.”

The police. Really.

It is not clear under what law the cafe could press charges in this instance. After all, the last time we checked, reading a book is not currently illegal anywhere, at any time. However, Klocek decided to keep the peace by agreeing to leave the shop. He then shared his experience on Facebook, and the post went viral.

Soon, people were calling for read-ins, and demanding to know the name of the cafe where the incident occurred. Klocek refused to reveal the location, citing the fact that the owner is a friend, and that Klocek has no desire to destroy a small business. This did not sit well with the internet, which, in typical web-troll fashion, exploded with fury over Klocek’s keeping his word. Now, he is reluctantly dealing with 15 minutes of unpleasant fame as he handles insults and threats, presumably from people who agree that book reading should be banned and that electronic gadgets are gods to be worshipped with no false idols before them.

There is much vitriol being slung at Klocek, who refuses to be a representative for either side in this growing culture war. In a new Facebook post, he writes “The “old” San Francisco wants me to be a poster boy for the clash of cultures and the “new” San Francisco wants to use the digital universe to either claim it didn’t happen or that I over reacted.”

People are accusing Klocek of fabricating the incident because he will not reveal the name of the coffee shop where it all went down, but his reasons for the non-disclosure seem solid, and his posts, sincere. Regarding his decision to keep the name of the cafe private, he writes, “The thing about principals is, if you only use them when its easy then you don’t have principles, right?”

While the Silicon Valley fundies might be quick to deny Klocek’s story, people who love books and reading have no doubt that Klocek is telling the truth. Indeed there is a war occurring, and it is being waged upon us by tech fundamentalists who seek to destroy our way of life and everything we hold dear. For the record, Klocek has indicated that he does not agree with that statement, but nonetheless he has found himself, for the time being, in the center of a powder keg issue.

For Klocek, all of the unpleasantness will blow over rather swiftly, but the battle will rage on until Silicon Valley has its way or the sane people of the world unite against the totalitarian workings of the devious tech fundies who would fabricate such an evil idea as a “laptop only” section” to begin with. Unfortunately, that idea is just a tiny fraction of the whole picture, but more on that later.

The bearded barista was eventually fired, and Klocek says he feels badly about that. Before Klocek beats himself up too much, however, it should be stated that it is completely unacceptable to threaten to call the police on someone for reading a book. In fact, having a “laptop only” section in any public establishment cannot stand in a civilized society. At least, not for the time being. It has caused much outrage now, but the future will most likely be quite different.

That is because aside from the unnatural worship of computers and electronic gadgets, the conflict illustrated in the Klocek incident already manifests itself in additional diabolical ways. For example, many have noted the growing inability of young people to hold conversations with one another. This is caused by over-absorption in their electronics; gadgets which have been proven by scientific studies to be highly addictive. Such addiction, which can be measured and quantified, has also been proven to reduce empathy and cause brain damage.

That is right. The “laptop only” section in that cafe, (and, one can only assume, other locations in San Francisco,) is for people who are systematically reducing the gray matter in between their ears. This reduction in brain matter has resulted in a nation of people who appear to have just stepped out of the film Idiocracy. They are unable to look up from their gadgets long enough to answer a question, make eye contact or serve a customer properly, as in the case of the bearded barista, who was so upset and offended by the sight of a physical book that he threatened to call the police.

What that barista may not know (or perhaps he knows and does not care), is that reading from physical books results in better reading comprehension than reading from screens. It also results in the reader retaining the information longer and having better recall over events and characters in the book. People reading from real books also read faster than people reading from screens. In short, real physical books are far superior to screens of all kinds, and as such, they should never be banned from any location or take a backseat to any electronic device while humans still have the ability to read them. In fact, not only are books better than screens will ever be, they can also be beautiful works of art that speak to the soul.

But tech fundies in San Francisco do not care about books, reading, intellect, or even other people. Tech fundies are soulless. They are anti-science, anti-art and anti humanity. In fact, they hate human beings and are currently working feverishly to ensure that we become obsolete in favor of artificial intelligence. That would sit just fine with the bearded barista, who will never again have to deal with another person, or, heaven forbid, the sight of an actual book.

Which leads to the reason why the Klocek incident is so profoundly disturbing, and why it means so much more than it appears to mean on the surface. Silicon Valley is home to a growing militia; a militia that may very soon topple society on a global scale. People like Google chief engineer Ray Kurzweil are deeply involved in a movement called transhumanism and a moment in time named the singularity. The singularity will occur when AI becomes billions of times smarter than human intelligence. After this happens, machines will able to self-replicate without the need for human intervention. There will not be such a thing as a laptop-only section in a cafe anymore. Instead, everything will be composed of machines. Yes, everything, including us.

They are dumbing down people now: calling for books to take a backseat to laptops, getting kids hooked on tablets, pushing addictive smart phones and glorifying electronic devices; because they are preparing for a future in which AI rules all.

Now, before you go running for a tin foil hat, keep in mind that the most brilliant people on the planet have spoken extensively about this topic, and have issued grave warnings stating that artificial intelligence such as this will result in the destruction of humanity.

While it might seem, at first, like a great leap from the Klocek incident to the downfall of the human race, please consider this: there are millions of folks who share the views of the bearded barista; who are disgusted by books, and disdainful of people. They have bought into the plans of Silicon Valley blindly and have never looked back. They wish for nothing but to stare into their electronic gadgets, their laptops and their smart phones, not looking up for an instant. In fact, their fondest desire is to merge entirely with their machines. The pray for the singularity to occur and to become one with computers and robots.

But they are not just the nerds living in their parents’ basements, playing computer games all day long. They are the people in power. They are the bigwigs of Silicon Valley and the laptop-worshipping hipsters at the cafe. They are technology evangelists, and like all evangelists, they are fundamentalists who do not understand that not everyone thinks and believes as they do. They will stop at nothing to impose their way of life on others and push their dangerous, addictive gadgets on the most vulnerable among us. The results of their efforts can already be seen in the children who are unable to do anything but manipulate their devices; in people wearing computers on their faces and wrists; in books being banned from sections of cafes. When this generation becomes stupefied enough, they will be incapable of fighting back against AI, and humanity will, indeed, end.

Today it is one man being thrown out of a cafe for reading a book. Tomorrow it is something else entirely.

We may not know it, but we are already gone.